Maybe sometimes it is ok to disengage

Recently I have been intentionally quiet on social media and the internet. Enjoying fall, and diving deep into my Graduate classes. I read a lot. I write a lot. I’m learning a whole heck of a lot. I don’t sleep a lot, but it is just for a season. It is this tiny period of my life where explosive intellectual, spiritual, and social growths are happening. It is exciting and inspiring. However, growth spurts are usually birthed in tandem with the need to rest before any further growth can begin to take place. So I have been resting and processing. Below is some of what I have been wrestling with.

In my Policy class, once a week, we have ‘newsroom’- a time where everyone in the class presents a current event and we enjoy a big group discussion on the implications of the policies brought to the table. (Questions asked: How does this affect our clients? How does it affect us? What does it all mean?) Normally I LOVE this. It makes my heart race. I love debating and learning and hashing out ideas. This is where I come alive. I want to hang on to every moment of that class, because I realize it will be over before I know it. But last week I could not even bring myself to find an article. I just could not even turn my computer on and look. I was dragging. my. feet.

Here’s where I am going to get honest with you: being informed has been entirely undesirable for me lately. I just haven’t wanted to engage with politics and I completely want to tune out. Like, a go-off-to-an-obscure-wooded-mountain-to-raise-sheep-and-weave-wool-tunics level of disengagement.

I don’t know if it was caused by the government shut-down drama, but for anyone that knows me, this is uncharacteristic behavior because I am always watching, listening, researching, tweeting, re-tweeting what is going in the world. And here’s the worst part, the raw part, the ironic and humbling learning curve of this blog-fession: I am often incredibly (mostly internally) judgmental toward people who are not tuned into the news.... Ugh. Grace please. While my own reasons may differ from yours I am beginning to understand why people choose to tune out and turn it down. And that it is ok.

Besides gaining a new level of empathy and understanding for others, I realized two things about my recent disenchantment:

1)   I was beginning to feel like I had to have answers for all the problems. That I needed to have solutions to all the things. And it was beginning to feel like the problems were too big to even be fixed. (Sensing my anxiety yet?) But above all, I was beginning to place my trust in the government. (And in my own abilities to 'fix' things) While the government can do much to help its constituents and while we as people living in a democracy can do many things to affect change, we can’t change everything. 

Mother Theresa, Martin Luther King Jr. and Ghandi didn’t even change the whole world. While they changed some things and each of them made inspiring changes during their time on earth; let's look at some quick facts: poverty still exists, racism still exists, violence still exists. While as humans we are often truly amazing, we are as equally limited and flawed. I have come to realize my trust must be placed in something beyond finite human beings, and that it is to be placed in the Lord. (Like most things this is much easier said than done, but I believe it is a process worth starting, continuing, or beginning again.) The Lord is eternal and good and can be trusted with everything. Especially our hopes and prayers for wisdom, action, and change. 

2)  I also came to see that it is ok to not always want to know what is going on. The news was right there when I came back. It was as urgent and pressing as ever, and didn’t stop when I stopped paying attention. The world is turning and it changes so quickly. 

I am probably also reading more news articles than passages from the Bible. While paying attention to what is going on is an investment in my career, and helps me to be informed and make informed decisions in the world, perhaps more of my time could be better invested elsewhere? I need to strive for better balance.

It was Reinhold Niebuhr who talked about preaching with “a Bible in one hand and a newspaper in another.” May that be how I live my life. Informed, but grounded in truth that matters. The news changes every day, but the Lord stays the same. And that is a promise. (Heb 13:8)