An anxious wandering heart

(This print is featured here. More about it at the bottom of the blog)

My heart is so good at wandering lately.

I have less than a month left of of my first semester of grad school. 15 credits of grad school. (so. many. projects. due.) The holidays are coming up. My husband graciously picked up a second job to aid our finances since all of my student-ing doesn't make any money. I work < part time. I volunteer. I have family stuff. And along with all the other moving parts that come with life and being human, I am stressed. To the max.

Lately, I have been noticing that I stop breathing in certain circumstances, or am taking extremely shallow breaths. As a future mental health professional, I obviously realize this is no bueno. Breath is life. Breathing is essential.Something has to change.

I'm finding that lately my heart wanders and fills up with the things I have to do. Rather than filling up with who God is. I am striving rather than trusting that God made me. That he has a path set out for me and is there the whole way. Not just beside me, but before me. 

This tension and balance between me doing things and leaving things up to God completely baffles me. I honestly just don't get it. As a Type A, I want to do everything. Pefectly. Right Now. But that isn't working. It leaves me depleted, tired, anxious and twenty other negative adjectives. Probably more. 

So here's to recognizing gracefully that change is needed. I don't know exactly what this looks like yet for me, however, for the past month (ok, ok, two or three months) my morning quiet time has been replaced by sleeping in. So I think that I can begin with trusting God with my mornings. I know that by spending time in prayer and in the word, and by focusing on him, and learning who He is, that I can learn to trust.  I recognize that by doing this my life won't suddenly be perfect, but my focus will be on the one who is. 

When our circumstances can't be changed, our perspective can, and in turn our circumstances will look much different. 

My prayer for myself (and you!) is:  May the Lord bind our wandering hearts to His so they are directed, protected and free from the slavery and whims of this world. 

A favorite verse for me lately. Print can be found here.

(The print shown above can be found in Naptime Diaries shop here. She does really wonderful work and makes me want to post scripture all over my house!)